Value-based Living: How to Discover What Really Matters in Life

Introducing the Compass

What exactly guides our behavior and provides direction in life?

We often ponder what needs to change in our lives to bring improvements or simply feel better, but maybe that is not all there is to it. What if we asked ourselves a different kind of question, such as “How do I align myself with what I care about the most?” Is there a Compass that can lead me where I want to go? This is where the concept of value-based living comes into play.

Value-based living is an approach to life rooted in aligning one's actions with personal values. This concept is particularly interesting as it represents a whole life philosophy, not just one need we satisfy or one goal we achieve. Instead, it focuses on a continuous journey where values provide meaning to the actions we take—a set of persistent beliefs that guide behavior.

Why Does This Matter?

Let us share a story that might be relevant. Picture this: Summer is approaching and all that extra weight around your hips is causing distress. You start looking at your body in the mirror with bad lighting and analyze every single detail. You compare yourself to fit, tanned people you saw last year on the beach, which you also now see on a TikTok feed. You immediately get a sense of urgency and tell yourself that you should work out for the next three months to achieve a better body. You use the right toolset by setting an achievable and realistic goal. Surely, with the current motivation level, nothing can stop you.

After two weeks, you stop and feel worse than before. Now there is proof that it can’t be done. This might make you feel less inclined to try that again. Misery is piling up, and you are dreading a summer day on the beach instead of looking forward to it. Why were you not able to achieve this particular goal? Why did you fail when you used the right toolset?

There are many reasons, but one can be simply put: the goal as you presented it to yourself might not have related to the things you actually deeply cared about. The idea of having a muscular body solely for others' admiration was not enough to keep you going. As time went on, conflicting thoughts of hanging out, having a few drinks, or spending time in nature with family—things you actually care about—started popping up again.

Now, if this goal of losing weight was connected to something you care about, maybe you might have achieved it. Or maybe you would have been satisfied with a different type of progress. What if you find out that having less weight would allow you to spend more time with your children, play sports with a few friends, or literally reach new heights in your passion for nature photography by being able to climb a mountain with ease?

How to Find Out Where Your Compass is Pointing

There are several tools online which are supported by evidence-based research and psychotherapy. For example, in ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), clarifying values is a critical step that raises your psychological flexibility. Many resources can help you find answers to key questions, such as allocating “points” to valuable areas of your life. Some frequently mentioned areas are:

Spirituality
Friendship
Community
Family
Career
Wellbeing
Health
Adventure
Honesty
Creativity
Beauty
Kindness
Justice
Humility
Freedom
Mindfulness
Security

One of the first steps could be to find 3-5 areas that you can extract as the most important for you, personally. You don’t need to focus on what others expect to hear from you or what you might have been telling yourself. Which of these areas truly bring you happiness and joy?

How to Follow the Compass

When you notice some areas of interest, now it is time to act in accordance with them. A simple step could be to set aside time for an action plan. Try answering the question, “What small thing can I do to reinforce my value?” Follow up with, “How much did I live my day-to-day life in accordance with this value already?” Please notice that it might not always be perfectly clear what your core values are, whether your current behavior is contributing to the value-based living path you wish to take, or whether you even know what behaviors those should be. The key element is to be willing to take part in your self-discovery process, which is already a leap forward. Any step in the right direction, no matter how “menial” or “late” it is, still contributes to your journey.

In short, having the right tools (e.g., goal-setting) does not ensure they are used optimally if not aligned with your core values. Follow your inner Compass to achieve your goals where and when they matter the most. Know that this isn’t necessarily easy to do, but the more you look inwards and introspect, the more you discover what really matters to you.

References

Houmanfar, R., Alavosius, M. P., Morley, N., Reimer, D., & Herbst, S. A. (2013). Values are not just goals: Online ACT-based values training adds to goal setting in improving undergraduate college student performance. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 2(1-2), 18-27.
Hayes, S. C., & Smith, S. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
Eifert, G. H., & Forsyth, J. P. (2005). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders: A Practitioner's Treatment Guide to Using Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Values-Based Behavior Change Strategies. New Harbinger Publications.